


when & if the winding road ends.

by outerjaw



Series: a thief || a thievery. [2]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Character Study, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Near Death Experiences, One-Sided Attraction, POV Second Person, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21897181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outerjaw/pseuds/outerjaw
Summary: We can all agree that you're blocked in the cornerandI can feel you unraveling away from me,rolling down that hill of sentiment we used to roam.It's like you're conjured from a memory.It's like I'm meeting you in a place that no longer exists;I've convinced myself it no longer exists.[ one-sided akira > ryuji ; one-sided yusuke > akira ][ eventual akira & akechi ]
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Kitagawa Yusuke/Kurusu Akira, Kurusu Akira/Sakamoto Ryuji, Sakamoto Ryuji/Takamaki Ann
Series: a thief || a thievery. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1578160
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	when & if the winding road ends.

* * *

#  **MARCH**

The first few weeks you spend at home are close to unbearable. 

Everything has been said and done; the hurt and the stress are over with, at last. Life may be a far cry from normalcy, but it is yours nonetheless — even in the face of the _ first _ monsters you ever encountered. Being back under their roof, being back home, feels like the fulfillment of a false promise.  _ No one is forcing you to go _ , the words of your friends reverberate through you and it is only now, after the change has settled, that you wish you would have listened. 

They do not speak to you much. Not to say they ever did in the  _ first _ place; mother had always fought so hard for her career, and you used to think to yourself that she met a cruel fate in having a son. In having  _ you _ . But father, in all his final-sayings and iron rule, did not leave her with the responsibility of that choice. You remember the daily pressure of your studies and your attitude, baring its fangs like a threat:  _ Don’t go disappointing me, son.  _ For someone who only came home once a week, the powerful look in his eyes was fuel for nightmares.

You have been telling yourself from a young age that you would be nothing like either of them. And it reflected in all you did— all you still do. By now, of course, they know this. When you see them after dark, you notice that their gazes linger; you do not look much different after a year of being away. Maybe they think they might be able to see the effects of your probation with their eyes.  _ Is he reformed? Is he a better boy? Has he learned his lesson? _

You have come to resent the way you feel your hairs stand on end in these moments, so you no longer spend your free time in the house. You bike, you walk, you do everything  _ except _ give into your fate of complete and utter scrutiny. After dark, you come in through the back door. You walk with such stealth, one might consider you a burglar— A thief. And when you shut your bedroom door, you grip the handle for dear life ( _ the squeak of the hinge at a certain degree is, by now, ingrained into your memory _ ). 

Most nights are pitch dark in the countryside. The sky is still so black that when you glance out of your window up at the sky, you see all the same stars you used to see as a young boy. But something in you says it feels wrong. Like a canvas left at a tilt, or a mirage on the horizon of a bright desert. 

A single finger traces over a silenced phone as you stare outwards, absentmindedly.

You fell into this routine from the first night you arrived, and if you can be honest with yourself, you might admit that you do not feel as if there will be an end to it.  _ This is a mistake _ . 

“...”

Brightness burns at your eyes when you turn the phone on. Nothing is stopping you from reaching back out, and it is not as if the line has been  _ completely _ silent since you left. Maybe they think you would be better off with some space from the city; your last text is from a week ago.

**RYUJI** : Are you doin anything during Golden Week?   
**RYUJI** : I told you I’ve been wantin to visit!   
**AKIRA** : Stop texting in class.

Now that you look back on it, you think you may have been too harsh, even if dry humor was something Ryuji never minded coming from you. Something deep in your heart aches. Why did the conversation stop there? Was he too busy? Did he feel like he was intruding? 

One blink. Two. You type, almost a knee-jerk reaction to self-doubt.

**AKIRA** : I miss the city.   
**AKIRA** : I’ll come visit you instead.

There is not a bone in your body that wants Ryuji to see that you live this way— that you always have. The anticipation of a light argument over  _ who is going where _ is all of your company while you wait, and just when you’ve resigned to sending your messages too late for your best friend to see, the screen lights up once more. You pretend that your phone does not nearly fall to the floor.

**RYUJI** : Either way, man! You know we all miss you!

...Ah, there it goes again, your rambunctiously beating heart. There was someone else, right? The word “we” sticks out as if highlighted; the people who became a  _ real _ family to you are all waiting,  _ except _ …

“…”

There is no sense in being bothered by it, but as you attempt to fall back into your dreams, you can still hear the echo of  _ his _ voice. Regrets aligning with his death still plague you, even now. Was there truly nothing you could do? Was avenging his life enough?

— Not for your nightmares. Not for your heart.

But somehow, sleep finds you as it always does. And when you wake up in the following mornings, you reassure yourself that  _ he _ is finally at rest with nothing else to prove. ( _ And when that is not enough, because how can it  _ ever _ be enough, you bow your head and light an incense at the window, endlessly hoping the smoke finds its way back to him. _ )

* * *

#  **APRIL**

When the time comes for you to leave, neither of your parents see you off, and you are quietly grateful for the unquestioning emptiness of the home. There have been plenty of times you always preferred walking alone, or so you have somehow convinced yourself. The long walk to your first bus reminds you of those countless childhood days, and even further beneath that nostalgia rests both a giddiness, and an anxiety. 

Will everything be like it used to be?

_ No, not entirely _ . You can answer that one yourself.

It feels like an eternity of transport for you, just as the city feels to be an eternity away from the country. They are two such intrinsically different beasts that sometimes they feel like barely connected  _ universes _ . How you managed to end up bridging the gap not once, but twice, and now a third time again... Your bonds are strong, as strong as they ever were, and you can feel the pull of every string as you get closer and closer.

The faces of your family greet you. A real family, forged and bright, rather than dull dust mites and barely-whispers of tall, uncut grass. 

You notice the small details first. Hair parted more or less distinctly. New jackets, and shoes. Futaba seems taller. Ann wears more makeup. 

( _ It is tempting to overanalyze Ryuji’s jaw structure, and how it seems so much more prominent now, but you instead flit your gaze through everyone who came to greet you, certain that the changes are only a symptom of your being away. _ )

“How was the ride, dude?” He throws an arm around you and you smile in an instant, though it holds no candle to how purely excited Ryuji seems to be.

Before you can answer, Makoto steps forward, sighing slightly. “You should have let us pick you up. At least let us drop you off at the end of the week.” 

Even if you liked using your time spent in introspection, her suggestion is difficult to pass up. You nod, still smiling, easily predicting the next thing he hears from his best friend: “Hey, why don’t we pay Boss a visit? We told him you were comin’.”

“He seemed really excited,” Ann agreed; for once, you cannot sense the subtle tension between her and Ryuji, but the thought of visiting your once-guardian clouds the implications.

“I was just thinking I could use a cup of coffee.”

You are not known for being the most  _ vocal _ person; your friends have known this about you from day one. The things you say are almost always listened to with intent. It is a stark change from the atmosphere of the country, and one that you were able to notice from the very beginning ( _ with full thanks to the blond boy with his arm still around your shoulders _ ).

The trip is not very long; Yongen-jaya looks as if it has not changed a bit, and for that, you feel more than a little grateful. For better or worse, everything is just as you left it, including the small “Open” sign on the front door of Cafe Leblanc.  _ Does he remember to switch it at night now? _

When the door opens, a familiar bell rings, and an older man from behind the counter looks up to his newly arrived company. You think you might see him cry— something you had never witnessed before. But the moment quickly passes when he greets you, just as he had done every day for the previous year. 

“...You staying out of trouble?”

A small laugh leaves you; you are tempted to say  _ no _ just to see what kind of reaction you could get out of him, what kind of concern he might burst into, but you realize that you have to go easy on an  _ old man’s _ heart. “Yeah, it’s been the usual.”

“The usual?” He makes some type of annoyed noise at the back of his throat, but you can see that he smiles as he continues. “That’s no good. Can’t you take it easy for once?”

“The grind never stops,” you pat your bicep for good measure, but both he and you know that your days of changing hearts are over, and would be for the foreseeable future. You cannot say that you mind it. Again, your life may be a far cry from  _ normal _ , but it is  _ yours _ to live freely. For now, you use this freedom to buy a full round of drinks for everyone— Sojiro insists that your order be on the house, but you can’t pretend not to notice the lack of any customers besides yourself and your friends. You leave the payment on the counter, and soon retreat to a booth.

“You never were one to just do what you were told, were you?”

The smirk of response is all Sojiro needs.

At the front, the bell sounds again, and everyone turns their heads to look. Professional, tall, intimidating… It could be no one else but Sae Niijima. She is unaccompanied, and the expression on her face is quite pleasant. You match her silent greeting with a nod before she takes a seat on the stool adjacent to your booth.

“Sis, I was wondering if you were going to make it.”

“I  _ will _ admit, I thought I might end up missing you all, but I was able to excuse myself for an  _ important meeting _ .”

“Woah…” Ryuji’s mouth hangs open, “That’s awesome! The power!”

“I’m so glad all of us could be here today!” Haru smiles sweetly, and you know you should nod, or agree, but you cannot. You try, and yet you still remember  _ him _ . The thought… Has never felt so terrible. 

“In truth, I wanted to come because I have news about something I believe you would all be interested in.” Her expression twists and falls, her mask of initial politeness tossed away. 

“It’s… About Akechi.”

To say the following silence is comparable to a black hole is an understatement.

April has only begun, and yet you feel the weight of the time you’ve spent away. With a hard swallow and an intense grasp on the warm mug between your palms, you are already prepared to listen.

_ (You have been for a while.) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another fic that was stuck in my docs for months collecting dust.  
> I plan on polishing the plot a bit before continuing, but in the mean time... Boy do I love fix-its.
> 
> I take writing requests! Feel free to look [here](https://twitter.com/outerjaw/status/1208521831793037313) for more info. Thank you for reading!


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